my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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