You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
