We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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