I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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