Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize