Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
