you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i just google imaged poop.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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