I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
