I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
