I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
How does one acquire holy water?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
