I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
