1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize