I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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