he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
