I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
