broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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