He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
