I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
