Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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