Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
