fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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