No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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