onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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