I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
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