I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
You've changed since you got that strap on
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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