i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
