I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
