p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
