okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i wish my penis had a tongue
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize
