Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
