oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
