I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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