whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
