great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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