this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize