Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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