Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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