We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Randomize
