I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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