you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
