I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
