Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Randomize
