Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
