tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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