just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
