Need sex. Gaining weight.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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