woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
