this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
