I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
