that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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