Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
BRING THE BAGELS
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize