Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
