I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize