Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
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