At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I didn't notice because vodka
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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