I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
