goodnight i made you a song goodbye
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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