Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
