we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
