idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
