I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Duck Duck Cougar?
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
