dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Randomize
