wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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