We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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