No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
