Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
literally had 100 drinks last night.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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